I Judged a Book by Its Cover and Won.

I'm not a scholar. Never have been, never will be. But I may deserve a Pulitzer just for finishing a book in less than a week. The book may have had larger print and may have been written in fairly elementary language, but I would like to point out that there were no pictures or illustrations to get me through it.

This book was awesome¹. I don't believe I have ever read a memoir before, and I probably won't ever again. Unless Eddie Huang comes out with a Part II. I am not about to rehash the book like a book report or give you just the test worthy material like Cliffs Notes. I am going to tell you that it hit close to home. Home being the Asian kid growing up in the 80's.

Eddie has an amazing way of bringing you, the Asian readers, back to your chili-bowl-haircut-multiplication-table-memorizing-days². Right from the get-go he has you craving soup dumplings. I immediately find myself making mental plans to go to Jeng Chi Bakery - THE dumpling house in town. He brings you back to elementary school, when your most feared time of the day was lunch. Unless you were a fat, Asian kid...then you hated P.E. more³. But at lunch, there was no hiding your true colors. If the other kids didn't see it, they sure as hell smelled it. Anything that wasn't a PB and J or leftover, cold Mr. Gatti's⁴ looked funny and smelled gross. How does a 7 year old explain to another 7 year old that the black stuff that looks like bat ears is really black fungus, but not the fungus-fungus that you're learning about in science class? Or how boxed Vitasoy is like regular, white-people milk on crack. There was no way to explain it, and in second grade, the best thing to do is to just throw your alien food away, or keep it in your Doraemon/Hello Kitty backpack until you get home.

The book made me realize that I wasn't the only kid lost in American culture. I wasn't fresh off the boat; I was born in the US. Yet there were so many moments growing up that I either wasn't able to write a 350 word essay because I didn't get The Christmas Story or Top Gun reference or I thought meatloaf was raisin bread with ground beef, instead of raisins⁵.

Eddie says that his greatest strength is his perspective. "There are pieces of you that are inherently yours, but everything else is a collection of the things you've seen and the people you've met." It's like that stupid question you always get asked in grade school, "Who is your hero and why?" It seemed like everyone always had an answer. If it wasn't their dad or their grandfather, it was someone in American history that did something great. I never had an answer, at least not one I could put a name to and write about. My heroes are everyone that has influenced me in a positive way. Everyone that I have learned from. No one particular person. Heroics are everywhere. As Rosanne as this sounds, Eddie Huang is the newest addition to my list of heroes.

I love how the book is full of food and culture. And the sports lines are pretty ill, as well. I've never been able to explain to others how I came to love sports as much as I do, but after reading Fresh Off the Boat, I realized that it may have been my "out." It was my release that wasn't drugs and violence. But it was still my way of expressing who I was and who I did not want to be. Asian kids didn't play sports, but that didn't stop me from learning all the starting quarterbacks to all the NFL teams⁶ or skipping Chinese class to go to the basketball gym.

I shamefully must admit, there are not many times I vocally express my appreciation for my culture. In fact, a lot of people are quick to say I don't like my own people. And to that, I respond that it's not the people I don't like, it is the stereotypes that these people continue to feed and allow to grow. Using coupons is fine, it's tough times out there right now. Abusing coupons is wrong and ballistically annoying. Panda Express is not Chinese food. Peas and carrots are not what make fried rice. And sweet and sour chicken is not supposed to glow in the dark! Eddie Huang made me not only re-evaluate my appreciation for my culture, but made me want to share it with others. You don't know stinky, until you have had stinky tofu.

Would I bring Eddie Huang home to my parents? Probably not. Would I read the book out loud to them? Definitely not⁷. But I will tell them that the outstanding education they moved here for allowed me to appreciate the good read of his memoir. Let the title and the tacky color scheme speak for itself - this book is like no other. Read it, then go eat some damn good Chinese food.

¹ Speaking of elementary language...I guess I could have used the thesaurus here.

² I hated long car rides. Instead of learning the streets to the 'burbs, I was learning how to multiply faster than a calculator.

³ I, personally, loved P.E. I thought I was going to be the starting guard at Stanford. You can stop laughing now.

⁴ I still remember the first time I asked my parents if I could have cold pizza for breakfast...I never asked again.

⁵ I ate my first meatloaf (store-bought, of course), the other week. Next on my list, pot roast.

⁶ Back then, starting quarterbacks didn't get traded and benched like they do now. I don't think I even knew who Steve Young's back-up was. It could have been a tatted Squidward...oh wait, that's Colin Kaepernick.

⁷ They may find Huang's colorful language a bit offensive. But it was the consistent use of the F word that encouraged me to keep reading.


-bObD.

The Maroon Keys...on Fire.

In a year of artist mash-ups, someone thought it would be a good idea to pair Maroon 5 and Alicia Keys. That someone is a genius. Adam Levine started off the pairing last night at the Grammys doing his sexy thing to one of my favorite songs of his newest album. All eyes were on him as he sang the puppy-dog words of Daylight. While the radio has done, yet again, an excellent job of ruining One More Night for me, you cannot do much wrong by Adam Levine. Just ask girlfiend Behati Prinsloo. He makes black slacks and a black shirt look so good.

Behati may be a star on the Victoria's Secret runway, but Alicia Keys was the dvia sharing the stage with Levine last night. Alicia rocked the percussions like Sheila E. I've never been a fan of Ms. Keys. No justifiable reason; it's like how people have least favorite colored m&m's. The green one tasted just like the tan one, but no one liked the tan one. So it got the boot. I just never had a taste for Fallin, and it never made it to any of my playlists. The National Anthem this past Super Bowl was just background noise, as the pizza and wings were prepared. Her rendition was somewhat airy, at times, but ended with a smooth soul sound that I did appreciate. Last night, though...Alicia was artist-hot last night.

The duet was magical; the two were singing each other's notes like they were their own. It was truly a blend of two incredible artists performing two amazing songs together. They harmonized and entertained 'til the very end of the "Ohhhhh, oh-oh-oh-oh" refrain.

-bObD

So Many Details

This past Friday, my homie Jig and I ventured out to Trees to see Toro Y Moi. My boi Chris from GorillavsBear had been hyping this guy up for months, but I was kinda ignoring him since we don't always have the same taste in music these days. But when he texted me and said that I would really dig this dude, and he had some free tickets to the concert I decided to go on YouTube and check him out. The first cut that I came across was "Say that", from the new album "Anything in Return." I liked the groove right off the top. His smooth synths awoke my curiosity so I dug deeper. I checked out some of his songs from his first album, and they were cool, as well....this is when I started kicking myself for being so closed minded. I mean I will usually try anything out but when it sounds too "weird" or something I might brush it off like I did this time. That's an idiot move cause you never know whats gonna bump and whats not. Anyway, lesson learned I hope. So, I told Chris that I DID want that hookup. The homie Jig had just flew in from San Fran, and he agreed to go with me. When we arrived in Deep Ellum I got that feeling of excitement that you get when you have been anticipating something very cool. Trees looked bigger than the last time I was there. I'm guessing that was around 2001 when Chris and I went there to see Weezer. Anyway, the venue was tight except for all the fucking hipsters in the crowd (loathe them). I guess when you think about it, this guy is a hipsters delight. What I like about him is the way he mixes 80's R&B with Electronica. The mix turns out to be so startling smooth that it takes you aback. It's almost as if he is just making 80's music...which happens to be one of my favorite genres of music. When Toro Y Moi came up for his set he got started right away with 2 nice jams that had the hipsters moving and grooving. Then he performed "Say That" and the nerds went bananas. The red laser show added a lofty, dreamy effect to the night. I felt like this guy listened to a lot of J. Dilla in the 90's like I did. The 2nd to last song was the one that I had been waiting for ....."So Many Details." It's a song of remembrance and asks the question, "What happened to us?" Love gone awry, u can never loose with that. Jig turned to me and said, "Whats this song!? I'm posting this on my Facebook tonight. This is Dope." I remembered that Chris and I had gone to so many concerts and talked about so much music that he KNEW that I would love it....he knows my musical taste. To Jig, I replied, "Yeah it is."

-tshurn