Oh and Three.

I am stinkin' oh and three. 'Stinkin' being the extremely PG-rated word chosen to express my frustration and disappointment in my winless start to the 2013 Fantasy Football season in my ESPN league. I belong to the not-so-elite club of an 0-3 start. Three weeks into the season, three losses. No one wants to be in this hole. Questions are asked, eyebrows are raised, more beers are consumed, playoff hopes seem dismal.

Everyone gets to where they are differently. It is all about the matchups. Who your players are faced with on the field, and who you play against in your respective leagues...and luck when it comes to avoiding injuries. Sometimes mediocre performances are enough to win a matchup. Othertimes, your players better play like they are fighting for the wildcard spot just to be contenders.

Week one I was plagued with a weak RB core. Week two my wide receivers forgot to show up. Week three Drew Brees tried to get me my first win, but my Buffalo defense had other plans. It has been rough. I cannot say I am very pleased to be in the same company as the Vikings, Steelers, Giants, Bucs, Jaguars, and underacheiving Redskins.

I wish I could say this week I was going to turn it around, but it is not looking good. ESPN is projecting a blowout - not in my favor. With a waiver wire pretty thin with lottery handcuffs and a lack of trade-worthy players (aside from Brees), it seems I may be sitting ugly with the Jacksonville Jaguars this year.

This is uncharted territory for me. Crowned Champion last year in the same league I am currently struggling in, I have managed winning seasons in my other leagues. I have never started 0-3, let alone 0-4. It is hard to be hopeful, especially when this year's record/standing in the league has no bearing on next year's draft. As if the first pick promises a magical season...

I've got no coaching staff to blame, no one to fire. Poor drafting and poor sleeper suspicions have left me with a D-League team, at best. No excuses - I've got to find a way to win. The Cleveland Browns won when they traded away their franchise back, and everyone thought they had given up. I, too, shall find a way...it just won't be this week.

-bObD.

Football Sexy.

The much adorned hat trick. In darts, it's throwing 3 bulls eyes. In hockey, it's scoring 3 goals. For football fanatics, it's your college team winning, your hometown team winning, and at least one of your fantasy football teams winning all in the same week(end). If you happen to win more than one of your fantasy match-ups, then you're sitting on top of the world, and no one can touch you. You're Johnny Football, minus the demand for autographs, the oil money...the Heisman.

Everyone is aware of the excuse of a rebuilding season the Texas Longhorns are going through. A team with incredible talent cannot seem to win. Ranked at the start of the season, it did not take long for the Longhorns to fall. Going into week 4, the unranked team faced Kansas State. This was a conference game most disappointed fans figured to be over before it even kicked off. But the Burnt Orange prevailed 31-21; the coaching staff can rest easy another week.

Now while I am not a die hard Cowboys fan (a loss won't ruin my weekend like a Longhorn loss will), I am a homer, nonetheless. I hate Jerry Jones just as much as the next fan, and I have a love/hate relationship with Romo the entire season. Through 3 weeks, the Dallas Cowboys are 2-1. The 2 wins were quite convincing, with this past Sunday's being against the less than dominating Rams. Romo was on point, and a healthy Murray was doing his thing on the ground. The Cowboys won 31-7; it was quite refreshing.

Going into Monday night's game, the hat trick was very much alive. This was it - I didn't forsee the Longhorns and the Cowboys winning together many more weekends. I was up in points in all 3 leagues, with Peyton Manning, Decker, and Julius Thomas left to play. It was looking pretty solid. The Fantasy Gods were determined to challenge me. I needed Oakland to be shutout (or Janikowski to miss 2 FGs) to sweep my leagues. Pryor would not be a part of any shutout, and I unfortunately took a loss in my ESPN league. 2.4 points...maybe I can get a generous point adjustment somewhere in there? Not likely, and I shouldn't let such a defeat take away from my outstanding accomplishment.

I am feeling football sexy.

-bObD.

Anxiety Rules

It's football season and I got money on this shit. In my world money on the line equals anxiety. You see, I don't have much money to be just throwing around willy nilly and I'm naturally a bit of a cheapskate no matter how much cheese I have. Here in lies the conundrum....I don't like losing money, but I love the rush, strategy, and braggin rights that go along with winning anything. Basically I'm a penny pincher who has all the tenants that can lead to gamblers anonymous. bObD knows that my lifelong ambition is to become a professional gambler and live out my twilight years in Vegas. Of course those two parts of me clash violently into one another thus rendering my ambition a pipe dream.

It's okay tho, I try to live in the NOW and what's happening now is that I have a grand total of $70.00 on the line in three gambling ventures involving our great American sport called football. She took $50.00 for a fantasy league, $15.00 for another fantasy league, and $5.00 for a pick'em league. The exhilarating feeling of making a good pick on draft day or picking the perfect fit off the waiver wire that makes me high. She knows I'm a feign, call me Pooky.....but it's that in between lingering anxiety wondering whether or not you actually made that right pick that kills me. It's the waiting and I'm so impatient. I've started having stomach problems and I'm wondering if she's the cause. Somethings got to give, but I know it's too late for me. Football has me and she's not letting go.



-tshurn

Let's Kick This Off.

The first week of the NFL season is behind us, and what a first week it was. I feel like I just shotgunned a bunch of beers. The number of beers is in question; it's a blur, they all seem to run together. So do all the football games when you induldge in NFL RedZone. So let me attempt to recap Week 1...


Peyton Manning made it clear on Thursday that football is what he is good at, rapping is just a past-time. 7 touchdown passes thrown. A huge fantasy night for owners. If you did not win your match-up with Peyton as your quarterback this week, good luck with the rest of the season - it seems the rest of your team may need some work.

Kickoffs to Sunday's games were subsequently followed by safeties in three of the early games. The Titans, Bucs, and Chiefs each gave up 2 points in the opening minutes of the season. Poor Jacksonville didn't see much action after that, with a final score of 28-2 Chiefs.

Looks like Detroit has finally got a winning game from a running back since...Barry Sanders days. Reggie Bush looked extremely comfortable in pale blue. 191 yards, 1 touchdown - pretty impressive. They'll need it to fall back on if Calvin Johnson keeps getting touchdowns called back.

AD was anything but All Day on Sunday. I cannot even imagine how all the hundreds of first pick fantasy players felt when their sure pick Peterson took his first touch 79 yards for a touchdown. They probably all saw the trophy/prize money at the end of the road - the season was theirs! But wait, he only ended with 98 yards. Terrell Pryor got more. Purple Jesus got some yards to make up to beat that record...

Brandon Weeden doesn't know how to start a season without throwing picks. 4 in Game 1 of 2012 and 3 in Game 1 of 2013. Fantasy note: Don't start Weeden Week 1. Correction, don't start Weeden, ever.

Between Welker having a field day with Manning and Danny day-to-day Amendola contantly holding his groin, Brady is going to have one hell of a challenging season. The challenge seem to have started with Buffalo. Is Buffalo's defense really that stout?

The New York Jets won. WAIT, WHAT?!

Thank you Eli Manning for kick-starting another Cowboys season full of high hopes. It couldn't have been fueled any better than by an interception on the first throw. And the remaining 5 turnovers pretty much guaranteed a win. The Dallas Cowboys are undefeated. Start planning the parade.

I told you all about Vick this season! Chip Kelly is doing amazing things in Philly, and if Vick can stay healthy...

The Texans/Chargers game looked a lot like the Patriots/Bills game. Chargers looked like they were on PEDs...Rivers played like he had an 'S' on his chest and connected with every receiver he had. They had their way with the respected Houston defense. But solid and reliable Andre Johnson brought the Texans back. Oh, and the predictable Chargers fell apart.

It is amazing how much joy football can bring to one's life. Life is good right now.


-bObD.

Pigskin Shots!

It's finally here - football season! Whether you are one of the many fanatics playing fantasy football or you just love to innocently watch the sport, tonight is a national holiday to be celebrated. Before we kick off the season, I wanted to throw out some bold predictions, some bolder than others...

• Kaepernick will get capped this year. Defenses will find a way to stop him.
  
• Lamar Miller will single-handedly carry the Dolphins to an over .500 season.
  
• Danny day-to-day Amendola will only miss one game this year due to unspecified injuries.
  
• Atlanta will be one play away from making the Conference Championship this year.
  
• DeMarco Murray will be healthy this year. Dez and DeMarco will take the Cowboys to the playoffs.
  
• Cam Newton and Michael Vick will be fantasy phenoms this season. Start them every week.
  
• Gronkowski will have one more surgery sometime during this season.

That's all I have time for...Broncos over the Ravens by 7 tonight. Let's go!


-bObD.