Well....I'm not! I knew before this tournament began that it was going to be one of the most unpredictable tournaments of all time. That actually made me really happy because I hate it when people pick "chalk" all the way through the tourney and end up making money off of that bullshit tactic. I mean, this is the NCAA tournament folks! There are supposed to be crazy upsets and buzzer beaters and upset fans and jubilant fans. That's what it's all about. But if I told you that I thought Florida Gulf Coast would look like the Harlem Globetrotters against Georgetown, I'd be lying. That upset ruined my gambling hopes (so I thought). I've always been a huge Georgetown fan and I liked this year's team as much as I liked anyone in the country. Otto Porter might be the best player in the country and JTIII always has the team ready to play. They just ran into a buzzsaw and a lot of alley-oops is all. I said before the tournament started that no team is really and better than any other team. It's proving to be a true statement through the first weekend of the tournament. Last night when Wichita State beat Gonzaga, I wasn't surprised at all. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if Gonzaga would've lost their first round game to Southern on Thursday. The college game has gotten so diluted from early NBA defections from kids that aren't ready that most of the talent is even.
So, I think that the team that wins the tourney this year will be the actual real national champion. It will be about coaching, leadership, chemistry, and focus. We could be in for the best sweet sixteen in years! Yeah the overall talent level is down, but the games should be so close and contested that its ok. Basketball is a team sport. It's magical when a real TEAM wins and wins together. Seedings don't mean anything in this tournament. I filled out my bracket just from the "eyetest" alone. Apparently, it's not going all that bad for me so far. This is the year when everyone is tweeting "My bracket is fucked!!!" .......
-tshurn
3.24.2013
3.19.2013
The Next American Gladiator.
I did it! I paid $65 to do everything I wasn't allowed to do when I was a little kid - climb ropes, jump over walls, walk across a plank, "play" in mud. This past Saturday, I participated in my first Warrior Dash. I had good intentions as far as preparing for the race. I was going to start running, lift weights, go to playgrounds to train, and actually use the gym membership I have been paying for the past 5 years. All passing thoughts. The next thing I know, it's the night before the race, and I am planning what to wear so that I don't get mud up my butt.
5 kilometers. 3.1 miles. It's not like I haven't done it before. In fact, I have an awesome habit of running 5 k's cold turkey. So how is this one that much different? Well, let me start with the fucking rocky terrain. Rocky Hill Ranch, to be exact. So many rocks, so many hills. Not enough endurance. The first mile or so was rough, to say the least. I was ready to tap out. I had just gone 10 rounds with Rowdy Rousey. I started to believe I had been tricked into a form of torture. Where were the obstacles I had heard about? As I struggled up what might as well have been Mt. Kilimanjaro, I heard a woman apologize to her husband for letting him down. I told her not to fret, as there were several people still behind her, including myself. To which she replied, "Whatever, I saw your calves. I know what you can do." I know she didn't just go there...
For those who do not know, I am extremely self-conscious about my calves. I don't wear skinny jeans - mainly because I can't fit my oompa loompa-self into them, but also because they would accentuate my turkey legs. I just started wearing capris last year, and that's only because I needed a compromise between my denim jeans and basketball shorts. I inherited my Mia Hamm calves, and they do absolutely nothing for me. No ups. No push. No hops. Nothing.
I completed the first few obstacles like a warrior. I felt like I was flying through The Eliminator, and no American Gladiator could stop me. And then came the first mud pit. I came to a complete halt as my friends stood across the pit, all covered in mud, and cheered me on. As if words of encouragement were going to clear my somewhat germaphobic mind. I quickly realized I signed up for this shit. I knew damn well there was going mud in this race. Just like all the brothas and sistas know there will be water detours and roadblocks in the Amazing Race. It drives me crazy when they can't finish a challenge because of their fear of water or their inability to swim. I wasn't going down like that.
An hour and a half later, I was clearing logs of fire and crawling through one last mud pit. The end was near, and I could taste the free beer. I sent my body through complete shock - it didn't see it coming. But at the end of the day, there was a sense of accomplishment. Knowing that I could do this without any training made me think about all that I was capable of. With some help from P90X, Insanity...regular workouts...I could be beasting. Oh look, another passing thought. The only thing I'll be lifting the next few weeks are 22 oz beer mugs. And a few fist pumps may be had as my brackets dominate March Madness.
-bObD.
5 kilometers. 3.1 miles. It's not like I haven't done it before. In fact, I have an awesome habit of running 5 k's cold turkey. So how is this one that much different? Well, let me start with the fucking rocky terrain. Rocky Hill Ranch, to be exact. So many rocks, so many hills. Not enough endurance. The first mile or so was rough, to say the least. I was ready to tap out. I had just gone 10 rounds with Rowdy Rousey. I started to believe I had been tricked into a form of torture. Where were the obstacles I had heard about? As I struggled up what might as well have been Mt. Kilimanjaro, I heard a woman apologize to her husband for letting him down. I told her not to fret, as there were several people still behind her, including myself. To which she replied, "Whatever, I saw your calves. I know what you can do." I know she didn't just go there...
For those who do not know, I am extremely self-conscious about my calves. I don't wear skinny jeans - mainly because I can't fit my oompa loompa-self into them, but also because they would accentuate my turkey legs. I just started wearing capris last year, and that's only because I needed a compromise between my denim jeans and basketball shorts. I inherited my Mia Hamm calves, and they do absolutely nothing for me. No ups. No push. No hops. Nothing.
I completed the first few obstacles like a warrior. I felt like I was flying through The Eliminator, and no American Gladiator could stop me. And then came the first mud pit. I came to a complete halt as my friends stood across the pit, all covered in mud, and cheered me on. As if words of encouragement were going to clear my somewhat germaphobic mind. I quickly realized I signed up for this shit. I knew damn well there was going mud in this race. Just like all the brothas and sistas know there will be water detours and roadblocks in the Amazing Race. It drives me crazy when they can't finish a challenge because of their fear of water or their inability to swim. I wasn't going down like that.
An hour and a half later, I was clearing logs of fire and crawling through one last mud pit. The end was near, and I could taste the free beer. I sent my body through complete shock - it didn't see it coming. But at the end of the day, there was a sense of accomplishment. Knowing that I could do this without any training made me think about all that I was capable of. With some help from P90X, Insanity...regular workouts...I could be beasting. Oh look, another passing thought. The only thing I'll be lifting the next few weeks are 22 oz beer mugs. And a few fist pumps may be had as my brackets dominate March Madness.
-bObD.
3.14.2013
The (Un)usual Suspects
So yeah, we are a few days late but here are some teams that we think might make a big splash in this year's NCAA men's basketball tourney. By big splash we are talking make it to the final four and win the chip homie. Yeah, that's how wide open this year's tournament is!! F'ing exciting....did I mention its March!!!
-tshurn
- St. Louis University - Yesss! My hometown team is nice this year! The Bilikins play stingy defense, and they are not afraid of anyone. If they score points they will be very dangerous.
- New Mexico - Steve Alford's team plays together and they have shooters..... the Tony Snell, Kendall Williams combo will lead to upsets.
- Creighton - Doug McDermott is the new age Wally Szczerbiak!!! In college that's a good thing, son!
- UNLV - The Runnin Rebels are runnin again....Mike Moser and Anthony Bennet will be beasting down low.
-tshurn
3.12.2013
Team Sean and Catherine.
Guilty as charged - I was one of millions that watched the finale of The Bachelor last night. Three hours I will never get back. I normally don't watch this shit (I used to be anti-reality TV, until I gave into Survivor and then Amazing Race...) but I had heard so much about this Sean Lowe guy...apparently the most chiseled bachelor on the show to date. I just had to see for myself.
So, the plan was to watch the family meet the girls, catch some of the last dates, then go upstairs and return to my normal Monday night drama line-up, Deception and The Following. Easier said than done apparently. An hour and a half later, I found myself slightly anxious...Catherine, please pick Catherine. As a first time viewer, I kept an extremely open mind during the whole selection process. I wanted to punch Lindsay in her mousey face but contained my inexplicable disdain for the girl. I was slightly disappointed with the whole family time. Sean's dad completely won me over, but mom annoyed the crap out of me. She made it quite obvious she didn't want her son to propose...almost as if she wanted to marry her son herself. My first impression of Catherine - lame and reserved. My first impression of Lindsay, lame and not reserved. They were equally lame.
And then their final dates. Lindsay, I know Sean said he finds your affection for him humbling, but there are ways other than sucking face to express yourself. Catherine was able to restore my faith in minorities progressing in the TMZ world. From the moment she started jumping up and down at the site of the elephant, I knew she wasn't lame. When I watched Catherine's emotional struggle at the end of the night, I knew I had hit reality TV low - I was attached. I wanted Sean to say something more than, "Thank you for today."
While not a huge fan of ABC's choice of editing, Chris Harrison really had me sold on this mysterious letter. I know I was not the only one that thought Catherine had possibly given up on a future with the sought after hunk. Turns out it was just one of Catherine's many love notes to Sean. One last opportunity to show the audience she was more than just "funny and weird."
It was an outer body experience as I celebrated the pairing of two complete strangers on television. Sean had chosen Catherine! This moment of happiness had just erased the darkness from when Ozzy came up short in Survivor...or more recently, when Malcolm's Parkinson-hands couldn't get him more than 4th place. All was right in the world of reality television.
So, who's coming over to watch the Lowe-Giudici wedding?!
-bObD.
So, the plan was to watch the family meet the girls, catch some of the last dates, then go upstairs and return to my normal Monday night drama line-up, Deception and The Following. Easier said than done apparently. An hour and a half later, I found myself slightly anxious...Catherine, please pick Catherine. As a first time viewer, I kept an extremely open mind during the whole selection process. I wanted to punch Lindsay in her mousey face but contained my inexplicable disdain for the girl. I was slightly disappointed with the whole family time. Sean's dad completely won me over, but mom annoyed the crap out of me. She made it quite obvious she didn't want her son to propose...almost as if she wanted to marry her son herself. My first impression of Catherine - lame and reserved. My first impression of Lindsay, lame and not reserved. They were equally lame.
And then their final dates. Lindsay, I know Sean said he finds your affection for him humbling, but there are ways other than sucking face to express yourself. Catherine was able to restore my faith in minorities progressing in the TMZ world. From the moment she started jumping up and down at the site of the elephant, I knew she wasn't lame. When I watched Catherine's emotional struggle at the end of the night, I knew I had hit reality TV low - I was attached. I wanted Sean to say something more than, "Thank you for today."
While not a huge fan of ABC's choice of editing, Chris Harrison really had me sold on this mysterious letter. I know I was not the only one that thought Catherine had possibly given up on a future with the sought after hunk. Turns out it was just one of Catherine's many love notes to Sean. One last opportunity to show the audience she was more than just "funny and weird."
It was an outer body experience as I celebrated the pairing of two complete strangers on television. Sean had chosen Catherine! This moment of happiness had just erased the darkness from when Ozzy came up short in Survivor...or more recently, when Malcolm's Parkinson-hands couldn't get him more than 4th place. All was right in the world of reality television.
So, who's coming over to watch the Lowe-Giudici wedding?!
-bObD.
3.10.2013
James Franco as Franco himself.
We all have our reasons for falling in love with an actor or actress. Whether it is their incredibly handsome and gorgeous self (Paul Walker, Chris Hemsworth), their award winning role in one of your favorites (Julia Roberts, Channing Tatum - haha), their sexy accent (Edward Norton), or their ability to out perform each time they're on stage (JGL, Nicholson, Jennifer Lawrence)...we have our favorites.
And then there are those who do not quite fall under these criteria. You can't really pinpoint what the hell attracts you to them. The talent weighs in at about a 5 out of 10 and attraction is a 7.5 out of 10, on a no-stache day. But there is something...it's like the pineapple and Canadian bacon on pizza - you just like it. More on some days than others.
James Franco is my unusual indulgence. I never caught the Freaks and Geeks failure, but I liked his talent in the 2002 Spider-Man movie. It was not until his appearance in General Hospital that I started to really pay attention. It was a gift having Franco star in my admitted television weakness. And then for it to be revealed that he played the fraternal twin of my favorite character on the soap - the attraction was undeniable. You really have no idea.
The actor/director/student/teacher took quite a hit when he co-hosted the 2011 Oscars. I, myself, was somewhat critical of his performance. I wanted him to win others over so that they could see what I saw in him. Videos started to pop up with "Top 10 James Franco is Stoned Oscar Moments." To which Franco responded, "I love her, but Anne Hathaway is so energetic I think the Tasmanian Devil would look stoned standing next to her." James Franco was given a once in a lifetime opportunity and it was not his cup of tea. Those who follow Franco's work should not have been too surprised by his lack of enthusiasm - he's no Billy Crystal.
The Academy isn't the only one criticizing Franco's work. The latest artist unhappy with Franco's performance - Justin Bieber. Earlier this year, Franco filmed himself lip-synching to Bieber's 'Boyfriend.' The video parody...
A silly parody makes him just like the rest of us. He's weird...and different. And people cannot accept weird and different with public open arms. He was recently invited to be the Grand Marshall of the 2013 Daytona 500.
Fans and writers said he butchered the most famous words in NASCAR. His shoutout to Danica was viewed as an intentional separation of the woman from the sport. Come on! He was giving recognition to a female athlete that had just made historic pole position! There was absolutely no disrespect meant by tweaking the drivers' command. But people don't like it when you try to get fancy or cute.
Franco is the ultimate artist in my eyes. Basic art cannot be explained. It has been said that Franco is a workaholic, always has his hands in school, movies, literature...the arts. The world truly is his canvas, and I am always eager to discover his next creation. Oz the Great and Powerful got bad reviews. Critics are calling Franco "withdrawn" and unable to sell his character as a mighty wizard. The audience isn't buying Franco's style; they don't share the same vision. I quote Oscar Wilde, "No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist." Those who do not take to Franco's work, do not share the same palette.
-bObD.
And then there are those who do not quite fall under these criteria. You can't really pinpoint what the hell attracts you to them. The talent weighs in at about a 5 out of 10 and attraction is a 7.5 out of 10, on a no-stache day. But there is something...it's like the pineapple and Canadian bacon on pizza - you just like it. More on some days than others.
James Franco is my unusual indulgence. I never caught the Freaks and Geeks failure, but I liked his talent in the 2002 Spider-Man movie. It was not until his appearance in General Hospital that I started to really pay attention. It was a gift having Franco star in my admitted television weakness. And then for it to be revealed that he played the fraternal twin of my favorite character on the soap - the attraction was undeniable. You really have no idea.
The actor/director/student/teacher took quite a hit when he co-hosted the 2011 Oscars. I, myself, was somewhat critical of his performance. I wanted him to win others over so that they could see what I saw in him. Videos started to pop up with "Top 10 James Franco is Stoned Oscar Moments." To which Franco responded, "I love her, but Anne Hathaway is so energetic I think the Tasmanian Devil would look stoned standing next to her." James Franco was given a once in a lifetime opportunity and it was not his cup of tea. Those who follow Franco's work should not have been too surprised by his lack of enthusiasm - he's no Billy Crystal.
The Academy isn't the only one criticizing Franco's work. The latest artist unhappy with Franco's performance - Justin Bieber. Earlier this year, Franco filmed himself lip-synching to Bieber's 'Boyfriend.' The video parody...
A silly parody makes him just like the rest of us. He's weird...and different. And people cannot accept weird and different with public open arms. He was recently invited to be the Grand Marshall of the 2013 Daytona 500.
Fans and writers said he butchered the most famous words in NASCAR. His shoutout to Danica was viewed as an intentional separation of the woman from the sport. Come on! He was giving recognition to a female athlete that had just made historic pole position! There was absolutely no disrespect meant by tweaking the drivers' command. But people don't like it when you try to get fancy or cute.
Franco is the ultimate artist in my eyes. Basic art cannot be explained. It has been said that Franco is a workaholic, always has his hands in school, movies, literature...the arts. The world truly is his canvas, and I am always eager to discover his next creation. Oz the Great and Powerful got bad reviews. Critics are calling Franco "withdrawn" and unable to sell his character as a mighty wizard. The audience isn't buying Franco's style; they don't share the same vision. I quote Oscar Wilde, "No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist." Those who do not take to Franco's work, do not share the same palette.
-bObD.
3.05.2013
The Griner Effect.
This weekend is the Big XII Women's Basketball Tournament in Dallas. Groupon has a deal out right now - $40 for the Friday and Saturday games. A pretty good price if it was going to be a good tournament. However, I imagine this year's will look similar to last year's championship. With Baylor returning their entire starting line-up and going in as the #1 seed again, the Bears are sure to dominate from tip-off of the second round.
I can appreciate an athlete with talent. Any athlete, male or female, that dominates a sport deserves recognition. So why is it that The Griner Effect leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and creates some fire in my eyes? I get all Metta World Peace-like whenever I see her beat her chest. I guess everyone is entitled to their expressive ways.
Brittney Griner is a female athlete playing on a women's collegiate basketball team. I do not question her gender any more than I question her game. She is an extraordinary player with extraordinary qualities. Under the direction of a fearless and competitive coach, Griner was able to develop her qualities and possess a dominating skill set under the basket.
So again, what is it about her that has people shaking their heads rather than pumping their fists? When Sophia Young was the face of Baylor, nobody questioned her place in the game. When Courtney Paris averaged almost 20 boards a game for Oklahoma, no one doubted her role on the court.
Maybe it was that one game in 2010. You know, the one against Texas Tech where Jordan Barncastle's nose lost to Brittney's right hand...
Or more recently when Brittney got called for a flagrant in February against UConn's Stefanie Dolson only to be followed by an obvious no-call later in the game. And that is when a close, competitive game started to go in Baylor's favor.
Now before anyone starts accusing me of hating the player, let me set you straight by saying I fear I may be hating the game. It was entertaining the first and second year, watching Griner showcase her talents. But this year, it hasn't been fun. I've been on the sideline of a rebuilding team, Texas. Between the Longhorns rebuilding and my favorite bar, which burned down a year and a half ago and is supposedly rebuilding (they haven't broken ground yet!), it's no wonder I haven't become a closet alcoholic at the mercy of my recliner and mini fridge. This year, the Big XII is a struggling conference with an already-crowned Champion coasting the season. Every game is over by the half. Brittney leads in scoring and blocks and doesn't come close to her opponents in minutes played. 40 points against Texas Tech. 50 points against Kansas State. And let's not overlook the triple-double she recorded against West Virginia, her 5th in her career. She is a beast. And I mean that in the most complementary, non-Rutgers-stigma way possible.
It was a celebrated era when UConn went on their run - undefeated in '08-'09 and again in '09-'10. Maya Moore was a goddess on the court. She dominated, as well...but apparently in a more graceful manner? No one questioned her role and her gender. She was a Husky Queen. Right up there with Taurasi and Sue Bird.
Now, back to the Tournament. We just saw what Baylor, or rather Brittney, can do against the Wildcats...
Drop-step dunk, WHAT?!
Texas is struggling...again. Texas Tech has lost a couple in a row. Oklahoma is surprisingly holding their own. With four Sooners suffering season-ending injuries earlier this year, Sherri Coale is doing what she does best with eight active players and two volleyball players they picked up for the Spring season. Iowa State is having a decent season. But decent gets overlooked when next to phenomenal. Oh, and decent probably won't get you a conference title this year. Sorry, Lady Cyclones.
So, how do you hype up a tournament that is over before it begins?
I can appreciate an athlete with talent. Any athlete, male or female, that dominates a sport deserves recognition. So why is it that The Griner Effect leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and creates some fire in my eyes? I get all Metta World Peace-like whenever I see her beat her chest. I guess everyone is entitled to their expressive ways.
Brittney Griner is a female athlete playing on a women's collegiate basketball team. I do not question her gender any more than I question her game. She is an extraordinary player with extraordinary qualities. Under the direction of a fearless and competitive coach, Griner was able to develop her qualities and possess a dominating skill set under the basket.
So again, what is it about her that has people shaking their heads rather than pumping their fists? When Sophia Young was the face of Baylor, nobody questioned her place in the game. When Courtney Paris averaged almost 20 boards a game for Oklahoma, no one doubted her role on the court.
Maybe it was that one game in 2010. You know, the one against Texas Tech where Jordan Barncastle's nose lost to Brittney's right hand...
Now before anyone starts accusing me of hating the player, let me set you straight by saying I fear I may be hating the game. It was entertaining the first and second year, watching Griner showcase her talents. But this year, it hasn't been fun. I've been on the sideline of a rebuilding team, Texas. Between the Longhorns rebuilding and my favorite bar, which burned down a year and a half ago and is supposedly rebuilding (they haven't broken ground yet!), it's no wonder I haven't become a closet alcoholic at the mercy of my recliner and mini fridge. This year, the Big XII is a struggling conference with an already-crowned Champion coasting the season. Every game is over by the half. Brittney leads in scoring and blocks and doesn't come close to her opponents in minutes played. 40 points against Texas Tech. 50 points against Kansas State. And let's not overlook the triple-double she recorded against West Virginia, her 5th in her career. She is a beast. And I mean that in the most complementary, non-Rutgers-stigma way possible.
It was a celebrated era when UConn went on their run - undefeated in '08-'09 and again in '09-'10. Maya Moore was a goddess on the court. She dominated, as well...but apparently in a more graceful manner? No one questioned her role and her gender. She was a Husky Queen. Right up there with Taurasi and Sue Bird.
Now, back to the Tournament. We just saw what Baylor, or rather Brittney, can do against the Wildcats...
Texas is struggling...again. Texas Tech has lost a couple in a row. Oklahoma is surprisingly holding their own. With four Sooners suffering season-ending injuries earlier this year, Sherri Coale is doing what she does best with eight active players and two volleyball players they picked up for the Spring season. Iowa State is having a decent season. But decent gets overlooked when next to phenomenal. Oh, and decent probably won't get you a conference title this year. Sorry, Lady Cyclones.
So, how do you hype up a tournament that is over before it begins?
You posterize the face of the Conference. Nneka Enemkpali and Brittany Chambers don't sell tickets. Brittney Griner does. The Griner Effect, March 8-11.
-bObD.
3.01.2013
Its March!!!
Well, its March ladies and gentlemen.....the greatest month of the year for a college hoops junkie! This year's tournament is figuring to be one of the wackiest on record. Really there are no stand out teams. I've been doing my homework like I do every year and there have been some really, really good games. To me that means that a lot of the teams this year are equally matched and that makes for great finishes and drama. The Heartbreak, the agony, the elation of March is upon us so here at Words we have to roll out a little NCAA tournament preview.......Let's start with the contendas!!!
-tshurn
- Indiana - Oladipo, Hulls, and Watford are natural born leaders. This team plays together and they have great chemistry. The question is can Cody "Big handsome" Zeller step up when it matters most in tourney. They can't win it all unless he is beastin.
- Michigan St. - When it comes down to March, you can never count out MSU. The main reason for that is preparation. No one gets his team more prepared than Izzo. No One. Period.
- Duke - Everyone that knows me, knows that I am a Duke hater. I hate Coach K's rat face, I can't stand Jason William's smug attitude on ESPN...my bad Jay Williams. I really hate Chris Collins for some reason I can't explain. But my hatred won't blind me. There are good. Good enough to win it all. Especially if Ryan Kelly comes back healthy.
- Gonzaga - That Canadian hippie kid they got can hoop. That's all I got.
- Georgetown - Otto Porter is a leader and he doesn't miss shots. He could carry them to the title.
- Miami - I love this team. They have a really nice mix of players, and Shane Larkin is one of the best pgs in the nation. If Reggie Johnson plays hard, they can win it.
- Michigan - They shoot too many threes for my taste, but if they get on a streak...look out. Plus they have the player of the year in Trey Burke.
-tshurn
2.24.2013
I Judged a Book by Its Cover and Won.
I'm not a scholar. Never have been, never will be. But I may deserve a Pulitzer just for finishing a book in less than a week. The book may have had larger print and may have been written in fairly elementary language, but I would like to point out that there were no pictures or illustrations to get me through it.
This book was awesome1. I don't believe I have ever read a memoir before, and I probably won't ever again. Unless Eddie Huang comes out with a Part II. I am not about to rehash the book like a book report or give you just the test worthy material like Cliffs Notes. I am going to tell you that it hit close to home. Home being the Asian kid growing up in the 80's.
Eddie has an amazing way of bringing you, the Asian readers, back to your chili-bowl-haircut-multiplication-table-memorizing-days2. Right from the get-go he has you craving soup dumplings. I immediately find myself making mental plans to go to Jeng Chi Bakery - THE dumpling house in town. He brings you back to elementary school, when your most feared time of the day was lunch. Unless you were a fat, Asian kid...then you hated P.E. more3. But at lunch, there was no hiding your true colors. If the other kids didn't see it, they sure as hell smelled it. Anything that wasn't a PB and J or leftover, cold Mr. Gatti's4 looked funny and smelled gross. How does a 7 year old explain to another 7 year old that the black stuff that looks like bat ears is really black fungus, but not the fungus-fungus that you're learning about in science class? Or how boxed Vitasoy is like regular, white-people milk on crack. There was no way to explain it, and in second grade, the best thing to do is to just throw your alien food away, or keep it in your Doraemon/Hello Kitty backpack until you get home.
The book made me realize that I wasn't the only kid lost in American culture. I wasn't fresh off the boat; I was born in the US. Yet there were so many moments growing up that I either wasn't able to write a 350 word essay because I didn't get The Christmas Story or Top Gun reference or I thought meatloaf was raisin bread with ground beef, instead of raisins5.
Eddie says that his greatest strength is his perspective. "There are pieces of you that are inherently yours, but everything else is a collection of the things you've seen and the people you've met." It's like that stupid question you always get asked in grade school, "Who is your hero and why?" It seemed like everyone always had an answer. If it wasn't their dad or their grandfather, it was someone in American history that did something great. I never had an answer, at least not one I could put a name to and write about. My heroes are everyone that has influenced me in a positive way. Everyone that I have learned from. No one particular person. Heroics are everywhere. As Rosanne as this sounds, Eddie Huang is the newest addition to my list of heroes.
I love how the book is full of food and culture. And the sports lines are pretty ill, as well. I've never been able to explain to others how I came to love sports as much as I do, but after reading Fresh Off the Boat, I realized that it may have been my "out." It was my release that wasn't drugs and violence. But it was still my way of expressing who I was and who I did not want to be. Asian kids didn't play sports, but that didn't stop me from learning all the starting quarterbacks to all the NFL teams6 or skipping Chinese class to go to the basketball gym.
I shamefully must admit, there are not many times I vocally express my appreciation for my culture. In fact, a lot of people are quick to say I don't like my own people. And to that, I respond that it's not the people I don't like, it is the stereotypes that these people continue to feed and allow to grow. Using coupons is fine, it's tough times out there right now. Abusing coupons is wrong and ballistically annoying. Panda Express is not Chinese food. Peas and carrots are not what make fried rice. And sweet and sour chicken is not supposed to glow in the dark! Eddie Huang made me not only re-evaluate my appreciation for my culture, but made me want to share it with others. You don't know stinky, until you have had stinky tofu.
Would I bring Eddie Huang home to my parents? Probably not. Would I read the book out loud to them? Definitely not7. But I will tell them that the outstanding education they moved here for allowed me to appreciate the good read of his memoir. Let the title and the tacky color scheme speak for itself - this book is like no other. Read it, then go eat some damn good Chinese food.
1 Speaking of elementary language...I guess I could have used the thesaurus here.
2 I hated long car rides. Instead of learning the streets to the 'burbs, I was learning how to multiply faster than a calculator.
3 I, personally, loved P.E. I thought I was going to be the starting guard at Stanford. You can stop laughing now.
4 I still remember the first time I asked my parents if I could have cold pizza for breakfast...I never asked again.
5 I ate my first meatloaf (store-bought, of course), the other week. Next on my list, pot roast.
6 Back then, starting quarterbacks didn't get traded and benched like they do now. I don't think I even knew who Steve Young's back-up was. It could have been a tatted Squidward...oh wait, that's Colin Kaepernick.
7 They may find Huang's colorful language a bit offensive. But it was the consistent use of the F word that encouraged me to keep reading.
-bObD.
This book was awesome1. I don't believe I have ever read a memoir before, and I probably won't ever again. Unless Eddie Huang comes out with a Part II. I am not about to rehash the book like a book report or give you just the test worthy material like Cliffs Notes. I am going to tell you that it hit close to home. Home being the Asian kid growing up in the 80's.
Eddie has an amazing way of bringing you, the Asian readers, back to your chili-bowl-haircut-multiplication-table-memorizing-days2. Right from the get-go he has you craving soup dumplings. I immediately find myself making mental plans to go to Jeng Chi Bakery - THE dumpling house in town. He brings you back to elementary school, when your most feared time of the day was lunch. Unless you were a fat, Asian kid...then you hated P.E. more3. But at lunch, there was no hiding your true colors. If the other kids didn't see it, they sure as hell smelled it. Anything that wasn't a PB and J or leftover, cold Mr. Gatti's4 looked funny and smelled gross. How does a 7 year old explain to another 7 year old that the black stuff that looks like bat ears is really black fungus, but not the fungus-fungus that you're learning about in science class? Or how boxed Vitasoy is like regular, white-people milk on crack. There was no way to explain it, and in second grade, the best thing to do is to just throw your alien food away, or keep it in your Doraemon/Hello Kitty backpack until you get home.
The book made me realize that I wasn't the only kid lost in American culture. I wasn't fresh off the boat; I was born in the US. Yet there were so many moments growing up that I either wasn't able to write a 350 word essay because I didn't get The Christmas Story or Top Gun reference or I thought meatloaf was raisin bread with ground beef, instead of raisins5.
Eddie says that his greatest strength is his perspective. "There are pieces of you that are inherently yours, but everything else is a collection of the things you've seen and the people you've met." It's like that stupid question you always get asked in grade school, "Who is your hero and why?" It seemed like everyone always had an answer. If it wasn't their dad or their grandfather, it was someone in American history that did something great. I never had an answer, at least not one I could put a name to and write about. My heroes are everyone that has influenced me in a positive way. Everyone that I have learned from. No one particular person. Heroics are everywhere. As Rosanne as this sounds, Eddie Huang is the newest addition to my list of heroes.
I love how the book is full of food and culture. And the sports lines are pretty ill, as well. I've never been able to explain to others how I came to love sports as much as I do, but after reading Fresh Off the Boat, I realized that it may have been my "out." It was my release that wasn't drugs and violence. But it was still my way of expressing who I was and who I did not want to be. Asian kids didn't play sports, but that didn't stop me from learning all the starting quarterbacks to all the NFL teams6 or skipping Chinese class to go to the basketball gym.
I shamefully must admit, there are not many times I vocally express my appreciation for my culture. In fact, a lot of people are quick to say I don't like my own people. And to that, I respond that it's not the people I don't like, it is the stereotypes that these people continue to feed and allow to grow. Using coupons is fine, it's tough times out there right now. Abusing coupons is wrong and ballistically annoying. Panda Express is not Chinese food. Peas and carrots are not what make fried rice. And sweet and sour chicken is not supposed to glow in the dark! Eddie Huang made me not only re-evaluate my appreciation for my culture, but made me want to share it with others. You don't know stinky, until you have had stinky tofu.
Would I bring Eddie Huang home to my parents? Probably not. Would I read the book out loud to them? Definitely not7. But I will tell them that the outstanding education they moved here for allowed me to appreciate the good read of his memoir. Let the title and the tacky color scheme speak for itself - this book is like no other. Read it, then go eat some damn good Chinese food.
1 Speaking of elementary language...I guess I could have used the thesaurus here.
2 I hated long car rides. Instead of learning the streets to the 'burbs, I was learning how to multiply faster than a calculator.
3 I, personally, loved P.E. I thought I was going to be the starting guard at Stanford. You can stop laughing now.
4 I still remember the first time I asked my parents if I could have cold pizza for breakfast...I never asked again.
5 I ate my first meatloaf (store-bought, of course), the other week. Next on my list, pot roast.
6 Back then, starting quarterbacks didn't get traded and benched like they do now. I don't think I even knew who Steve Young's back-up was. It could have been a tatted Squidward...oh wait, that's Colin Kaepernick.
7 They may find Huang's colorful language a bit offensive. But it was the consistent use of the F word that encouraged me to keep reading.
-bObD.
2.11.2013
The Maroon Keys...on Fire.
In a year of artist mash-ups, someone thought it would be a good idea to pair Maroon 5 and Alicia Keys. That someone is a genius. Adam Levine started off the pairing last night at the Grammys doing his sexy thing to one of my favorite songs of his newest album. All eyes were on him as he sang the puppy-dog words of Daylight. While the radio has done, yet again, an excellent job of ruining One More Night for me, you cannot do much wrong by Adam Levine. Just ask girlfiend Behati Prinsloo. He makes black slacks and a black shirt look so good.
Behati may be a star on the Victoria's Secret runway, but Alicia Keys was the dvia sharing the stage with Levine last night. Alicia rocked the percussions like Sheila E. I've never been a fan of Ms. Keys. No justifiable reason; it's like how people have least favorite colored m&m's. The green one tasted just like the tan one, but no one liked the tan one. So it got the boot. I just never had a taste for Fallin, and it never made it to any of my playlists. The National Anthem this past Super Bowl was just background noise, as the pizza and wings were prepared. Her rendition was somewhat airy, at times, but ended with a smooth soul sound that I did appreciate. Last night, though...Alicia was artist-hot last night.
The duet was magical; the two were singing each other's notes like they were their own. It was truly a blend of two incredible artists performing two amazing songs together. They harmonized and entertained 'til the very end of the "Ohhhhh, oh-oh-oh-oh" refrain.
-bObD
Behati may be a star on the Victoria's Secret runway, but Alicia Keys was the dvia sharing the stage with Levine last night. Alicia rocked the percussions like Sheila E. I've never been a fan of Ms. Keys. No justifiable reason; it's like how people have least favorite colored m&m's. The green one tasted just like the tan one, but no one liked the tan one. So it got the boot. I just never had a taste for Fallin, and it never made it to any of my playlists. The National Anthem this past Super Bowl was just background noise, as the pizza and wings were prepared. Her rendition was somewhat airy, at times, but ended with a smooth soul sound that I did appreciate. Last night, though...Alicia was artist-hot last night.
The duet was magical; the two were singing each other's notes like they were their own. It was truly a blend of two incredible artists performing two amazing songs together. They harmonized and entertained 'til the very end of the "Ohhhhh, oh-oh-oh-oh" refrain.
-bObD
2.05.2013
So Many Details
This past Friday, my homie Jig and I ventured out to Trees to see Toro Y Moi. My boi Chris from GorillavsBear had been hyping this guy up for months, but I was kinda ignoring him since we don't always have the same taste in music these days. But when he texted me and said that I would really dig this dude, and he had some free tickets to the concert I decided to go on YouTube and check him out. The first cut that I came across was "Say that", from the new album "Anything in Return." I liked the groove right off the top. His smooth synths awoke my curiosity so I dug deeper. I checked out some of his songs from his first album, and they were cool, as well....this is when I started kicking myself for being so closed minded. I mean I will usually try anything out but when it sounds too "weird" or something I might brush it off like I did this time. That's an idiot move cause you never know whats gonna bump and whats not. Anyway, lesson learned I hope. So, I told Chris that I DID want that hookup. The homie Jig had just flew in from San Fran, and he agreed to go with me. When we arrived in Deep Ellum I got that feeling of excitement that you get when you have been anticipating something very cool. Trees looked bigger than the last time I was there. I'm guessing that was around 2001 when Chris and I went there to see Weezer. Anyway, the venue was tight except for all the fucking hipsters in the crowd (loathe them). I guess when you think about it, this guy is a hipsters delight. What I like about him is the way he mixes 80's R&B with Electronica. The mix turns out to be so startling smooth that it takes you aback. It's almost as if he is just making 80's music...which happens to be one of my favorite genres of music. When Toro Y Moi came up for his set he got started right away with 2 nice jams that had the hipsters moving and grooving. Then he performed "Say That" and the nerds went bananas. The red laser show added a lofty, dreamy effect to the night. I felt like this guy listened to a lot of J. Dilla in the 90's like I did. The 2nd to last song was the one that I had been waiting for ....."So Many Details." It's a song of remembrance and asks the question, "What happened to us?" Love gone awry, u can never loose with that. Jig turned to me and said, "Whats this song!? I'm posting this on my Facebook tonight. This is Dope." I remembered that Chris and I had gone to so many concerts and talked about so much music that he KNEW that I would love it....he knows my musical taste. To Jig, I replied, "Yeah it is."
-tshurn
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